Kicking and Screaming, Part 1

Ever feel like you’re being pulled kicking and screaming into something you don’t want to do?

That’s the way I feel lately—like Jesus is pulling me. Not to do something bad, of course, or even to do anything uncomfortable.

The truth is, there’s this habit I’ve picked up. Not one of the “big” sins, mind you, like drinking or gambling, but one of those Paul talks about: “They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness.…They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, arrogant, proud, boastful,…unloving and unmerciful. Although they know full well God's just sentence—that those who practice such things deserve to die—they not only do them, but even applaud others who practice them” (Romans 1:29-32, HCSB).

Ouch. Gossips and slanderers are right there alongside God-haters.

Somehow, over the last few years, I’ve slipped into this habit. I don’t want to give it up. To give it up, I’d have to actually forgive someone who hurt me. Jesus says forgiveness means forgetting, too. At least, that’s what He does.

So if I forgive this person, I also have to forget how hurt I was. And not ever bring it up again—to anybody. It feels like that would be saying it wasn’t important—that I wasn’t important. That how I felt and what I had done wasn’t important. I’m not sure I’m ready to accept that.

But a good friend says we—all of us—need to pray and ask God to sweep out the hidden corners of our lives. She asked me to be part of a prayer group at work. I said I would, because I know God wants me to.

That doesn’t mean I have to like it. So I’ll try, but I’ll be kicking and screaming on the inside.